Today's Heartlift with Janell
Sometimes the story we tell ourselves is not really true. Sometimes the story others tell about us is not really true. On "Today's Heartlift with Janell," Author, Trauma-informed, board-certified marriage and family specialist, and Professional Heartlifter, Janell Rardon, opens conversations about how emotional health and mental fitness effects absolutely every area of our lives. When we possess and practice healthy, strong, resilient emotional health practices, life is so much better. Read Janell's newest book, "Stronger Every Day: 9 Tools for an Emotionally Healthy You."
Today's Heartlift with Janell
283. The Theology of Slow Living, Part 2
Can understanding your daily capacity help you maintain balance and avoid burnout? Join us in a profound conversation with Jodi H. Grubbs, author of "Live Slowly: A Gentle Invitation to Exhale," as we explore how small shifts, like changing gears on a bike, can significantly impact our well-being. Jodi beautifully elaborates on the nuanced differences between capacity and limitations and reflects on the cultural differences in our pace of life, particularly the toll of hustle culture. Discover how to find your sanctuary amidst the chaos of city life, and learn why recognizing your limits is a crucial step toward a more balanced existence.
Read more about Jodi's work and writings: JODI GRUBBS
Order Jodi's book: LIVING SLOW
Follow Jodi on Instagram: @jodi.grubbs
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- Meet me on Instagram: @janellrardon
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- Learn more about my books and work: Janell Rardon
- Make a tax-deductible donation through Heartlift International
Hello and welcome to today's Heart Lift with Janelle. I'm Janelle, I'm so glad you're here and I hope that you're living life just a little bit slower, maybe even on some island time. Maybe even on some island time. After last week's part one conversation with Jody H Grubbs, author of Live Slowly A Gentle Invitation to Exhale, my husband and I headed down to Hatteras Island, all the way to the point and had a day of island living, inhaling, exhaling, beachcombing and bringing back a large collection of beautiful conchs and whelks and olive shells, and I thanked the ocean for its generosity. I'm always grateful.
Speaker 1:Today, on part two, jodi and I pick up our conversation on living slowly, or her theology of slow living, and we pick up with a review of the word capacity. You know it's one of my faves and Jodi really expanded our understanding of the word capacity understanding of the word capacity and then she offers to us a broader, more beautiful understanding of the sacred work of shifting. Shift has been a word that I have been thinking a lot about lately. I am in a big shift and so I just can't wait for you to hear Jodi's words on this beautiful work of shifting. She asked this question do you need to shift your direction in order to turn a fresh page. And as we enter into this conversation today, I want us to put the word sanctuary in the forefront of our mind. In the French to Latin understanding of sanctuary, it blends the meaning of a safe place and a holy place. Wow, it blends the meaning of a safe place and a holy place the meaning of a safe place and a holy place.
Speaker 1:Now that, to me, re-images what a sanctuary really ought to be. Jodi tells us find your island in the city, take advantage of the beauty of stillness and creation to ease anxiety. Anxiety, she says. You know, we all need a collective shift into a slow living theology. Okay, here we go. Welcome back, jodi, me to the other word that captured my heart, because it's a word very important to me right now, and that is shift.
Speaker 1:And so capacity, understanding our capacity and capacity is different than limitations, and you define it and you give us real clear understanding what the pastor used to say to me Janelle you always get to the words under the words and you do that as well, jodi, and so you are helping us get to the words under the word of capacity. And you know, I think limitations of a cousin, a best friend, stands next to capacity. But we want to be attuned to what our capacity is right now, this day in our life, and we're only accountable for this day. So, like you said, if someone asks you, you know to do something, or you know go somewhere or help them. If you've got an empty calendar and your capacity feels like, I can add that that's just a really good way to measure how to move through our lives. I appreciate that. So you write our bodies and we're talking about how our bodies speak to us. Our bodies and our minds were not meant to keep up with this wild pace.
Speaker 1:What we desperately need is a shift, a collective exhale as we find our way again. Shift is a change in something, but it can also just mean an adjustment in the way something is done. So there's a noun and a verb of shift, and a shift is typically not a complete metanoia, a complete 180. A shift is you're still going the same direction. I'll just put it in my language I'm a therapist. I need to make a shift in my trauma work because it's now causing me to have some vicarious trauma and burnout. So I'm not leaving it all together, I'm not throwing the baby out with the bath water, I'm just shifting. Is that what you were framing for us that we need exactly?
Speaker 2:exactly right. It's a bit of a pivot, but it's moving in a slightly different direction, and I do use bike gears as an example. You're still going on your bike ride. You're just adjusting, you know the gears, and so we're just shifting, because it's really too hard. Nobody wants to hear. Well, you've got to slow down right now, today. Too hard, nobody wants to hear, well, you've got to slow down right now, today. Nope, you know, and uh, and it's not realistic either. Actually.
Speaker 1:True. Well, I mean, it's a cultural thing. You, you grew up on an Island where hurry and worry and scurry I mean I'm sure there were people there that worry. I mean, when I go to Belgium, europe, even Uruguay, where my daughter used to live, or Kansas, where my son lives in a very small town, there's not a lot of rush and hurry going on, right, it's just not happening.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I've noticed that the rest of the world does not really live in this hustle culture. There's pockets everywhere that don't. That's true, and so it doesn't alleviate problems.
Speaker 1:It doesn't alleviate, but it does alleviate a certain amount of stress. Yeah, because my, my, my son comes home to the East coast, to our very busy Virginia area. He and all the bridges, all the tunnels, which is why we have water and we're grateful, but it just stresses him out. He's like I just can't do it. I don't know how you're doing it anymore.
Speaker 1:So when you've tasted and seen a different way of doing life which you grew up with. Okay, so you say to us your admonition, your urging number one is a theology of slow living, but to find our Island right. Yes, find our Island in the city. I'm not passing sitting with the hard stuff and slowing down. Okay, I'm not passing that. But a way to manage when we finally do slow down is to find our island. And what do you mean by that?
Speaker 2:Because it's so beautiful, yeah, so it's a soul care sanctuary. It can be a safe place, either physically. You know, a lot of people tell me their little island in the city, which is a quiet place in a busy world. Right, that's what we're getting at. It might be on their back porch. It really might be Other people. It's a worn out chair in their bedroom. Yes, so comfy. Yes, yeah, for other people it might be a memory. So I do go back to that yellow raft in the reef.
Speaker 2:Um, some people just need you know. If I've had an MRI, I've had to go back to that yellow raft. You know I can't bring my bedroom chair with me?
Speaker 1:Oh, yes, that's so I will be going back to that. Yes, I will be going back to your yellow raft the story. You write it so vividly that it's a beautiful visualization meditation exercise as I'm offering it to heart lifters.
Speaker 2:So yeah, okay, I think everyone can create this space with God in themselves. We can't don't leave out yourself, you know, and have it be quiet, have solitude, even if it's for five or six minutes we're not really talking an hour or two. Some people can't do that, some some months we do need to do that. But it's just a really special place, a sanctuary, a safe place for quiet.
Speaker 1:I love it so much. For me right now it's the botanical gardens in my area. I became a member, you know, and my heartler fish know that I'm sorry I keep talking about it, but you know it's been there forever and ever.
Speaker 1:And right now, I just thought my husband one day said let's go to the gardens and just walk around. You need to, you need to get there, you need to get there and walk around some gardens. And then, when we were there, it's like let's just become members, let's do this, and they have so many classes. And that is my Island in the city right now.
Speaker 1:Makes me a little while to get there and there's some traffic on the way, and so I doubted. I'm like, oh, this is ridiculous, I should just walk around in my backyard Once I get there. Okay, we all can have an island in our city, our community. You write this, but for a while now I'm really want to understand where this is coming from in your heart and your spirit. Okay, I have sensed you write a shift beginning and here's what I think is the clearest A collective pushing back on social norms, expectations and traditions of a life of hurry. We are starting to see that hurried living is a cover-up when all along, throughout the generations, we have had God's gracious invitation to humankind, that is, the invitation to breathe easier again. Oh my gosh, we simply cannot keep holding our breath, right.
Speaker 2:That's what you write.
Speaker 1:That's what you say. We can't simply stop, we can't keep holding our breath yeah, it's too much, it's too much, it's a lot. It's just my kids say, mom, you always say it's a lot, I'm like, but it is a lot. So this collective shift that you're opening the conversation, you're inviting us, so what does that look like? How do I make that happen in my community, in my neighborhood, in my family? We'll start with family in my marriage, in my parenting, in my patronage as a churchgoer. How do I do this? You know, a lot of it starts with boundaries and ends with empowerment.
Speaker 2:So you know, a lot of it starts with boundaries and ends with empowerment. So you know it's hard when we hear people say, well, just say no. I know it's not that easy, but, um, you know, let me just read this, this one phrase. It's when the pain of being weary and worn out is greater than the fear of missing out or letting someone down. You know, you have started the biggest shift of all towards slower living and I think we have to get to that point. But collectively we are. I'm hearing that's one reason I went forward with writing this book is women were saying to me you know, I don't know that I really want to go back to life that was as fast as it was before the pandemic. Do I have to?
Speaker 1:I'm like no, you don't have to Bingo. My mother died of COVID. I know the horrors of COVID. I'm well aware of how difficult I had it. It was excruciating, but it gave me remission to just be. I just I did not want it to end and I thought, if I don't learn by the time they release this uh restriction to to say it on my own, I'm going to be in trouble again. Okay, just be right. You know I've got. During that time, my prayer was help me, get it, help me know that I don't have to emerge from this and be this. I did not want to be the same person, right? I really didn't want culture to be the same. I really didn't want church culture to be the same, yeah, yet Yet you know, here we are.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so you hear women saying that yeah. Yeah, a young woman had told me she's like, you know, I think all this hurry is a cover up and I thought, oh my gosh, that is true, because you know, when we we're busy, we don't have to stop and think it's like what we talked about earlier. We don't have to stop and deal with the hard stuff, no, and so I think if we shift into this, when I say collective, a lot of people want it.
Speaker 1:I'm hearing and I think a lot of us are gonna have to be bold and just say, oh no, thank you.
Speaker 2:You know, I'm hearing, and I think a lot of us are going to have to be bold and just say, oh no, thank you. You know I'm not able to do that, but we have to stand up and use our voice. So I would say it starts with that, whether it is at church or in your community, you know or in your family your children, family. Yeah, saying you know I, I don't have the capacity for that, I'm, you know I need to, it doesn't mean you have to go take a nap necessarily.
Speaker 1:Or it might, or maybe not. I don't know. Yeah, it depends on what your body's telling you. Cause if your body, you know that's going to be the somatic response. Once again it's. You know that's going to be the somatic response. Once again it's. You know. And as my wise therapist said, you know, I really don't want God to pull out that two by four again. That's never pleasant, you know. Why are you not listening? Why are you not listening? Cause it's going to.
Speaker 2:It's going to be a two by four again. Well, and then you know, loading down is chosen for you.
Speaker 1:Again, it is, and I think that's the more beautiful, lovely way to say it than a two by four hitting you over the head. You know, I'm certainly going to shift that conversation. It's like you know, I don't want chosen it to be chosen for me, or we would call that enforced rest. Oh yes, you know which is the brilliant? Amy Carmichael is the one. I've learned that from beautiful missionary enforced rest, which she was placed on for the last 20 years of her life and that's where we get all our writings from. So you know we don't want that. So in closing, I am wondering if you would help us peek behind your practices. Peek behind your practices Like is there, are there certain practices?
Speaker 2:spiritual formation practices that call you back to island time. Yes, so in the back of my book I've got the slow living shifts. Yes, so that you don't have to try to find them and things like that. But, um, you know, one of the big ones is awakening to beauty. Yes, that has saved a lot of us since COVID. We learned a lot of us learned that again, some of us were like children right, Some of us were like that as children right.
Speaker 1:This is right what we're talking about. I'm so happy. Yes.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so one of the biggest life rhythms for slow living for me now is, yeah, awakening to beauty, and I try literally every day. My daughter and I have been out on the back porch and we've had deer go by three times in two weeks Now. We live in a suburban area.
Speaker 1:Me too. I saw one yesterday right in the broad daylight. I'm like you're supposed to be nocturnal.
Speaker 2:Why are you out here? This one just came and looked up at us and, um, you know well, if we hadn't slowed down for 10 minutes just to sit outside with a glass of water, we would have missed that. And I tell people, you know they say, well, if I'm rushing to work, how can that be? Well, if you're walking, is there maybe a rose garden you can stop in for?
Speaker 1:just a moment.
Speaker 2:You know, can you take the long way? I'll take the long way to an appointment, just so I can take a country road for five minutes.
Speaker 1:Oh, I love that. That's such a great simple idea. Leave a little bit earlier, build in some time for inhale and exhale. You know I'm I'm so guilty of rushing out even with nothing no children, nothing. You know it's still. I'll push it to the limit, but that is a practice that I've learned is to put that cushion time, margin time, right in into my life. All right, you have others I'm going to read. I'm going to read a few, or you can. Why don't you just read the whole list of 18? Because I think that they're worth reading.
Speaker 2:Okay, um. So the first one is exhaling. The second one is acceptance. The third one is restoration and reflection. That was about sea glass. The fourth one is embracing your uniqueness. The fifth one is understanding capacity. Sixth one is awakening to beauty. The seventh one is sustainable rhythms.
Speaker 1:Oh pause pause, pause, pause. That word sustainable, yeah, okay, that's a whole chapter. I believe that is Okay. So we'll just let you read that chapter, but I'm I'm going there next.
Speaker 2:All right, yeah. Eight is soul care practices. There's some really special things that you can do. Nine is finding sanctuary. Ten is savoring. It doesn't always have to be a brownie. There's just so many ways of savoring. Yes, I love this so much. Yes. Eleven is seeking out solitude. We do usually have to go find it At. 12 is lingering with intention.
Speaker 1:Oh well that's another conversation.
Speaker 2:That's the opposite of being lazy. Slowing down is not lazy, it's the spiritual practice is really lingering with God and yourself and others.
Speaker 1:Yes, yes, yes, love it.
Speaker 2:And then 13 is being present to others that face-to-face.
Speaker 1:Face, face, yep.
Speaker 2:Number 14 is being empowered. We can say no, and so that is a divine right to slow down and say no. Number 15 is boundaries and faith settings, which I think a lot of us have had to.
Speaker 1:Um, yeah, I could talk for hours on that.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:And I think that's where my heart's desire. I was wondering if that's where you were going with the collective shift in our congregations. Some churches have it really, have done it really well. Others you know, it's just you know.
Speaker 2:I've been in both. Yeah, yeah, it can be such a tough, touchy subject.
Speaker 1:It's very touchy. Yeah, we won't see real lasting change until I think that shift happens. I think so. Yeah, you know, stillness, silence and solitude are the bedrock of spiritual transformation.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:And it's not just for the mystics.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Not just for the desert monks, you know but there are wise voices speaking to this that I think you know will add ours to that as well today. And then number 16 is expectancy being expectant. When we slow down, we can have that sense of expectancy from God. 17 is releasing the letting go, and it's really hard Open those hands, you know. And then 18, believing we're held and resting in that knowledge, like you talked about in the beginning.
Speaker 1:That knowledge, like you talked about in the beginning. I think that's what I'm taking away most importantly in my season of life is my intention. I love to set intentions and speak affirmations and I use beautiful smelling oils. I am held. I am held by a very loving father. My other intention has been my body heals itself. You know what to do. Yeah, you know rest.
Speaker 1:You have felt it here and there and I tell you that just that that does something. Those are slow living shifts that if you implement these things, I promise, I know you promise. You've lived it, jodi, I can feel it from you and I am trying again to live it and implement it and make it my way of life, make island time my way of life, my spiritual practice. There's the exhale, there it is. Thank you for your time today. It has been priceless and I just wish you nothing but lots of island time over the summer. You two are in North Carolina, so you are very close and privy to many beautiful. That's the thing about North Carolina. I lived there from age four to seven and cried like a baby when I had to. My parents got transferred here and so you have mountains and you have beaches and everything. So go.
Speaker 1:Forest Bay. Go look at some roses, go see some deer. Many blessings to you. Thank you for being here.
Speaker 2:Thank you, janelle, for having me on. It's just been such a pleasure talking with you today, so good.
Speaker 1:Heartlifter. I can't get Jodi's words and her slow living theology out of my mind. In chapter seven, rhythms for sunrise to sunset, jodi speaks to these sustainable rhythms of rest. She writes there are always mile markers on the path, if we only take the time to see them. On Bonaire, the island that she grew up on, there are over 50 oval stones, painted bright yellow, nestled in various locations, telling drivers that they have arrived at a popular scuba diving spot. A popular dive stop on the island is marked by a yellow rock with the words 1,000 steps.
Speaker 1:This enormous staircase, built into the cliff, takes the tourist from the paved road on its curving steps down to the rocky shoreline and then out into the reef. If you are a tourist, each step gets you closer to the whole reason. You probably flew several thousand miles to enjoy one of the best underwater sanctuaries in the world. Similarly, each small step in this invitation to slower living gets you closer to the life you really want, gets you closer to the life you really want, where your yes means you can be an active participant in your colorful life instead of a distant, weary observer. Martin Luther King Jr said take the first step in faith. You don't have to see the whole staircase. Just take the first step. So our first prompt, our first thought, as we reflect on this beautiful conversation with Jodi, is am I an active participant in a colorful life my colorful life or am I a distant, weary, exhausted, burned out observer? I'll ask again Am I an active participant in my own colorful life or am I a distant, weary observer? Now, this doesn't have to be binary in the sense of it's either, or because we will find ourselves getting weary and having difficult things and obstacles that we have to push through in our life. But, as we are beginning to learn, rest ought to be the foundation from which we move through our lives. Jesus imaged this for us when he began to get overwhelmed. Yes, he experienced every temptation that you experience and that I have experienced in my life. The word of God, our beautiful ancient text, tells us that. Word of God, our beautiful ancient text, tells us that. And so what would he do? Well, he went away to a mount. Jesus, in a human body, found it necessary to go away and restore the rested place within him. Well, why are we not doing the same?
Speaker 1:I was talking to a client this morning. Is this just because our ego gets so big and we just want to conquer the world and be hyper productive and culture tells us to do so. Well, I'm first in line for that, absolutely. But today is a new day. Jodi has extended an invitation. She's reaching out her hand and she is saying come with me, let's engage, let's implement, let's empower ourselves with the theology of slow living. Is it possible? Absolutely, absolutely. Jodi writes.
Speaker 1:Rest is a bigger deal than we think. Rest is a bigger deal than we think. Recharging is critical to not only our health but also in the way we hear people. If I have not had solid sleep, I am more irritable and it's easier for me to misunderstand someone's comment or question. Naps are underrated. Our island had siesta time from noon to 2 o'clock each weekday. Almost all retail shops, including the bank and places to pay utility bills, would close for lunch and rest. I remember many days when I saw my dad stretch out and take a nap on the carpet Wow.
Speaker 1:So Jodi offers this exercise called a slow living shift. I love these so much. Her language is so necessary. And this one is called sustainable rhythms, and she mentioned that before. So here is our second intention, our second prompt.
Speaker 1:A shift to slow living doesn't necessarily mean your end goal is to sleep in your hammock all day with a pina colada nearby, although I'm sure there are a handful of people who might eagerly do that. There are a handful of people who might eagerly do that. It is an often revisited season when you exhale and solidify what matters most to you in this life. You have. I'm going to repeat that it is an often revisited season when you exhale and solidify what matters most to you in this life you have, soaking up the good and the excitement while not resenting the beautifully hard and mundane. There's that not either or, but both. And when we pause to reflect and move forward, we begin to understand that the good and the hard parts of life hold hands. When the striving stops and your body slows down, the mind and heart can lean into a much better posture of listening, listening to yourself, to God and to others, being present to each day, holding our hands wide open and letting life unfold without manipulating and planning every moment. Well, that just has a way of resetting our inner world. We take the pressure off ourselves when we focus more on everyday rhythms that feel sustainable or patterns that are simple and predictable, rather than get overwhelmed with tight schedules and unrealistic goals. The freedom of discovering and then choosing what is most important to us is priceless. And to help us, oh Jodi, this book is jam-packed To help us.
Speaker 1:She offers three of her own easy rhythms that she uses on most days that span from early morning to when she goes to sleep at night. I'm just going to mention them in brief. Please get her book and read them in full. A simple, cozy morning rhythm. This is a framework to ensure you are you up to feel like you gave your body and mind time to acclimate. Then she gives you keys on how to do that. I love that so much. Second, though, is the rhythm of daily office hours. So our first rhythm is to set up a win by having a simple, cozy morning rhythm, and then, second, to establish the rhythm of daily office hours. The word office shares a root with the Latin word opus O-P-U-S. Oh, this is so rich Meaning work. Oh, this is so rich Meaning work.
Speaker 1:And the practice of fixed times of prayer throughout the day was named the work of God Opus Dei Early. In Christian tradition, this ancient spiritual discipline helps us stop in our day to be with God. Wow, at its simplest, it contains a morning or midday office, followed by a midday or evening office. This can be broken down for five to 20 minutes each time. It is not a traditional quiet time or even Bible reading time. It is a sacred rhythm and routine and most certainly not a task to be done or a box to be checked off. This is what I love about Jodi's work it's grace-filled. This practice reminds us to stop several times a day to listen to God, to be with God and to take a breather with our beloved, our creator. Slowing down to do this helps to create and then solidify an awareness and deeper acquaintance with the Almighty. She offers Peter Scazzaro's book Emotionally Healthy Spirituality Day by Day, a 40-day journey with the Daily Office. I will put that in the links. Oh, so good. So so, so good.
Speaker 1:Last but not least, she offers my simple, cozy evening rhythm. I warm up my heated eye mask in the microwave and then throw it under the covers as I get ready for bed. I put a warm drink I've just prepared on my nightstand and set up my pillow so that I can sit up in bed for about 20 minutes. I usually read on my Kindle, she writes, or in a book to wind down for the evening. If I have not been on electronics much that day, I indulge in a game of Duo Trio Gordle, which is a 32-section wordle game. What? I will glance at my phone, but I'm not a stickler for my reading or game on time, because I'd like to have natural, fluid endings, not forced endings. The key to rhythms is not to force them or hold on so tightly that you feel guilt or shame when you miss one.
Speaker 1:Refreshing our hearts and minds looks different for everyone. Oh, I love this so much. It will look different, and so I hope that you have been so inspired. Inspired definitely means the breath of God, so I hope God has breathed on you and that you are inhaling this beautiful, refreshing gift of slow living. Not just for the summer, now, I know not everybody's in summer that listens to the podcast but whatever season you find yourself in, this is a call to eternal you find yourself in. This is a call to eternal, eternal rest, living our lives from a place and space of inner rest, not just a sabbatical, not just a nap, but a way of life.
Speaker 1:Heartlifter, I am in this challenge. You are not alone. Please visit me over on Instagram at Janelle Rairdon or, even better, on our Substack home, heartlift Central. If you Google at Heartlift Central, it will take you right to Substack, where you can either do a free or paid subscription. The paid is $50 a year. That's quite affordable.
Speaker 1:I pray and I hope that you will join me there, because I am creating private podcasts for our paid subscription and going behind the curtains of my life on a deeper level, because I just feel it's a bit safer there than on other platforms. Please join me and, if you would be so kind, consider a tax-deductible donation to Heart Lift Central, my educational non-profit, dedicated educational nonprofit, dedicated to making home and family the safest, most secure place to be, and I'm doing that through my podcast, this podcast right here, through my online community and through resources and writing and books. So please consider that. It would be such a blessing and it would help this podcast and all of the arms of Heart Lift International reach out to the ends of the earth. All right, you have your prompts. I will meet you on Instagram and on Substack. Until next time, remember Heart Lifter. You yeah, you have value, worth and dignity.
