Today's Heartlift with Janell
Sometimes the story we tell ourselves is not really true. Sometimes the story others tell about us is not really true. On "Today's Heartlift with Janell," Author, Trauma-informed, board-certified marriage and family specialist, and Professional Heartlifter, Janell Rardon, opens conversations about how emotional health and mental fitness effects absolutely every area of our lives. When we possess and practice healthy, strong, resilient emotional health practices, life is so much better. Read Janell's newest book, "Stronger Every Day: 9 Tools for an Emotionally Healthy You."
Today's Heartlift with Janell
340. The After Party of the Empty Nest: Mom Isn't Your Only Name
The quiet after the last suitcase leaves can feel like a freefall—or a doorway. We lean into that threshold with Kate Battistelli, author of The After Party of the Empty Nest: Mom Isn't Your Only Name, to reframe the empty nest as an after-party —a time to honor the first act of mothering and step into a purposeful, hope-filled second act. Kate shares the heart behind her directive, “Mom is not your only name,” and why your next chapter isn’t smaller—it’s just different, and often deeper.
Together, we explore the three “bird” archetypes that map this transition—the quick-pivot swallow, the grieving mourning dove, and the balanced robin—so you can name where you are and choose what’s next. Kate’s story illustrates how courage grows when we respond to quiet nudges with small, faithful steps. We discuss dreaming with the Father without shrinking your desires, finding an “empty next” that builds the kingdom, and utilizing the margins of your day to prepare for new work, study, service, or creative callings.
If this episode encourages you, please follow, share it with a friend who’s nearing the transition, and leave a quick review so more moms can find the courage to start their after party.
Download the Intro and First Chapter of The After Party of the Empty Nest: Text AFTERPARTY to 44144.
Visit Kate's website: Kate Battistelli
Learn more about Kate's book: The After Party of the Empty Nest
Begin Your Heartlifter's Journey:
- Visit and subscribe to Heartlift Central on Substack. This is our new online coaching center and meeting place for Heartlifters worldwide.
- Download the "Overcoming Hurtful Words" Study Guide PDF: BECOMING EMOTIONALLY HEALTHY
- Meet me on Instagram: @janellrardon
- Leave a review and rate the podcast: WRITE A REVIEW
- Learn more about my books and work: Janell Rardon
- Make a tax-deductible donation through Heartlift International
As I've listened to the stories of thousands of women of all ages, in all kinds of stages through the years, I've kept their stories locked in the vault of my heart. I feel as if they've been walking around with me all through these years. They've bothered me, they've prodded me, and sometimes kept me up at night. Ultimately, they've increased my passion to reframe and reimagine the powerful positions of mother and matriarch within the family system. I'm a problem solver, so I set out to find a way to perhaps change the trajectory of this silent and sad scenario about a dynamic yet untapped source of potential and purpose sitting in our homes and churches. It is time to come to the table, heartlifters, and unleash the power of maternal presence into the world. Welcome to Mothering for the Ages, our 2025 theme here on today's Heartlift. I'm Janelle. I am your guide here on this heartlifting journey. I invite you to grab a pen, a journal, and a cup of something really delicious. May today's conversation give you clarity, courage, and a revived sense of camaraderie. You see, you're not on this journey alone. We are unified as heartlifters and committed to bringing change into the world. One heart at a time. Hello and welcome to today's Heartlift with Janelle. I'm Janelle, your guide for today's conversation with Kate Battistelli. Kate's new book, The After Party of the Empty Nest, speaks to that time in our parenting when there is a sacred release of our children into God's care and into their next chapter. But you know, Heartlifter, we too have a new chapter. And you can find peace as you transition from mom to empty nest mom and rediscover, as Kate says, that mom is not your only name. I love that subtitle and I love that directive that she gives to us that mom is not our only name. I think we forget that. As a young actress, Kate lived in New York City and she had a life-changing experience, going from understudy to starring as Anna in the Broadway National Tour of the King and I opposite Joel Brenner for more than 1,000 performances. But Kate and her husband laid down their careers in the Broadway theater in answer to their first God Dare, moving out of New York City and into a life of homeschooling and home business. She lives in Franklin, Tennessee, near her daughter, contemporary Christian recording artist Francesca Batticelli, and seven precious grandchildren. I love Kate's story and I love her wisdom that she brings to us today. And right here, at the very beginning, before we get started, I want to make sure that you get a free intro and first chapter to her book, The After Party of the Empty Nest. All you have to do is text after party to 4414. That's after party to 4414. Okay. Let's welcome Kate to the show.
SPEAKER_03:Oh, thank you, Janelle. I am thrilled to be here.
SPEAKER_01:So where did the subtitle come? Like, do you remember where you were? I love, I'm always so curious about where a writer is when they pen something or when they get the aha. But mom is not your only name. I wonder where you were when you heard that whisper.
SPEAKER_03:I don't know where I was. I think it just once I was in Mumpty Nest and was doing the next thing God was showing me to do, I realized, hey, wait a minute, I can call myself by another name. I'm I'm I I like to ask women, what's your mom and? I'm mom and a nurse. I'm mom and a college graduate because I finally got my could not say that 15 years ago. But because I took the plunge and decided, you know, just let the Lord lead me. Now I have this whole other life that you don't see when you've got kids at home. When you're raising children, that's a full-time job for most of us, for women that well, even if you are working, it's you really don't get a break at all. You're working, then you come home to your other full-time job. So it's it's a lot of work. But when that time is over, there's a whole new world.
SPEAKER_01:There is. It's uh well for me, and I think you and I relate, I relate completely to how you faced it. I was just overwhelmed with sadness. And when the first bird flew away, it was four years before the second twins went to college. And so I just I cried so hard, I probably just cried for hours. It was just, I don't know, I really loved homeschooling and being with the kids, love hate, right? Um so I just cried so hard. And then when the twins flew away, they too they flew away together. So then it was like, oh, okay, it's really empty.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:So you write that it was it was difficult for you. Can you share a little bit? You you have one child, a girl, and so when she flew away, it was yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Well, it was it was very hard. Yeah, I it hit me like a Mac truck. The reason why I just never planned for an empty nest. I really never thought about it. We were so busy with her, with helping her navigate the whole music world and move to Nashville and all that. My focus was there, and then when she's gone, it's like, well, now what? What am I supposed to do? You know, you're raising your child for 18 or 20 years and they're gone. It's like, well, that was fun. So God, what next? But and it is lonely. And I tell women, it's okay to to feel all the feels. It's gonna be hard at first, you know, it just is. It's it your your whole life pivots. Everything you identified yourself as has now changed. You're now something else, you're always a mom, but okay, what's my next what are my next steps, Lord? What's my next um act? You know, yeah. I always tell women the second act is the best part of the play, right? That's when everything is wound up, it's the best part. So just know that. And they say that women over 50 are are more content and happier than women under 50, which I find very interesting.
SPEAKER_01:Wow, we need to take a pause there. I gotta know where that is and read a little more about that because my oldest just turned 39 today, and as we're recording, and she's like, oh, 40. It's okay. The best is yet to come. I know, but you know, and I'm like, Well, the 40s were were really spectacularly good. A lot of difficult things happened, but they were really good, and now as I look back, they were really good. So your 50s, you're you're saying that you read were the most fulfilling.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, because they're past the hardness of the emptiness, they've typically moved into that next thing, they're enjoying their freedom, they're getting to do the things they had to set aside when they're raising children because we all have something that we can't do anymore when we've got our kids, but they're gone. And and that's the best part is the freedom that you suddenly have. Once you come out of the hardness, the the sorrow and the loneliness and the tears, you're gonna open your eyes and go, Wait a minute, I I can spend as much time as I want in Bible study this morning. You know, I could pick up and go off with my friends for lunch, and I don't there's I don't have to come home and do 10 piles of laundry. I see the laundry my daughter has. Oh Lord, help me. Seven children. It's overwhelming. The every time I go, I'll probably help her fold like at least three or four giant baskets of laundry. I think, well, yes, she won't have to do that when the last one's gone. But of course, you know, she's got a big spread from 14 to 14. She will probably never be without, correct?
SPEAKER_01:Like grandkids might come sooner than later. Who knows?
SPEAKER_03:Who knows? That's true, that's true. But just having food in your fridge that you want to eat. You know, if you've got boys, you don't have to have frozen pizza and chicken wings and all that stuff all the time. You can actually pick what you want. So there are a lot of benefits.
SPEAKER_01:There are so many benefits. I'm smiling really big, you can't see me, but probably can feel it uh through here because I'm thinking really now in the 60s of like, you know, tonight's Taco Tuesday, so we meet friends for tacos, you know, at a local restaurant. And last night we were like, I don't know, let's eat early so you can go play golf and I'll do this. And, you know, so there are so many, many benefits. You talk about, which I think really struck me so beautifully, these three stages. You write, not all moms are alike. So we're gonna preface that before we be even go any further, because I talk to some moms and they go, nope, didn't cry a bit. Didn't cry a bit. I'm like, okay. Well, what am I missing? Why did I cry? You know, then I start comparing myself. But we are a community that tries very difficult, tries very hard to not compare ourselves, unless it I've always said to compare yourself to someone you admire and you aspire to be with. And so you say not all moms are alike. As I've studied these this emptiness stage of life and the various ways we can handle it. I imagine the stages as three distinct types of mama birds. I adore this because I'm obsessed with this. Like us, each mama bird must determine to carry on as her fledglings fly from their warm, comfy nest. The three birds I believe represent these stages the best are the swallow. I cannot wait to hear this. The morning dove, M-O-U-R-N-I-N-G, and the Robin. So if you would be so kind, you can read about this in the after party of the empty nest, but I would just love to hear why you chose those three specific birds, because I'm sure there's a strategic reason.
SPEAKER_03:Well, I think they represent the different types of emptiness moms. There's all different types, but I narrowed it down to three because the swallow mom, like you were just talking about, she didn't cry, she was like, okay, bye. Go, because she already has a plan for what's coming. So she's the one she may cry, but she's she can more easily release her children into their next thing and she can move into hers. She's not weighed down by sorrow. But then there's the morning dove mom who is weighed down with sorrow. It's her whole life has been so wrapped up in her kids that once they're gone, she just she just gets stuck. I'll talk to women that'll tell me, Yeah, it's been three years since my kids were gone. I just don't know what to do. And I'm thinking, three years, we got to get you moving. You know, we've got to get you to think forward. But they're the they're the ones like a morning dove. You hear those quiet little coups that are so beautiful, but we associate them with mourning, and that's the mourning, the grief, the hardness, the just the difficulty of the emptiness. They have a tougher time moving past it and getting to the next thing. And then the robin mom, kind of a combo of both. She's you know, robins, as I say in the book, there's 310 million robins in the US. I think most of them live on my porch because they love to build nests. We even have one that built a nest and then another one came and used the nest. It's like the robin condo on my porch. So I've loved it. They're the most common, and they're, you know, they're a combo of both. They're kind of thinking about the future, but still holding on to the past. And it's very easy for us to grip the past so tightly and to think our whole identity is wrapped up in that. A lot of it was, but now we're going to what's our new identity? What is that new thing? Well, I like to think about it as kingdom building. What are we doing? What's God calling me to do to build a kingdom beyond what I did with my children? You know, we all strive to raise them according to biblical principles that they'll go out and do the thing they were created for. Well, what's the other thing I was created for? It wasn't just this. Uh, most of us hopefully have another 40 years. Well, what are we going to do with that? You know, you can't sit there and watch sad Netflix movies and eat popcorn. You have to move, you gotta find out. Yeah, the only way to know is digging deep with the Lord, saying, Okay, God, I and some women may have an inkling. They may, man, ever since high school, I've known I've wanted to start a business or whatever that is. Now I can do it. But a lot of us I didn't know, I had literally no clue. I thought, wow, what am I supposed to do? Where do I even begin to know? I was not a writer, none of that was in my brain. Really? Someday I'm gonna be an author completely out of the blue. Literally, the Lord dared me to write my first book, and that's a whole that's a whole other thing.
SPEAKER_01:Well, just give us a quick little glimpse because I I've already told everyone about you, so they know that you were a Broadway, you and your husband both were actors and had to make a very, very big decision, you know, to move from New York. And that, like you said, was probably maybe your first act in life. I don't know. And that had to be a massive transition. So I don't know how easy that would have would be at the emptiness part of life to transition to going back to acting. I don't know. I don't know. No, I had no desire.
SPEAKER_03:We really we felt the Lord was telling us to lay that life down. So we did. I had no, I mean, people asked me today, would you want to go back? I think, no, okay, just because the theater world has changed so much. But just personally, I know that's not where he's called me. Okay, but yeah, I was we had homeschooled our daughter, and we got a call one day from the gal that homeschooled the that was part of the big umbrella organization. Once she'd gone to Nashville, she was getting songs on the radio, her name was being known. They asked us, would you come speak to our 20th, our big 20th anniversary celebration? We need the parents to understand how did you raise your daughter to not only find her purpose, but to maintain a relationship with the Lord? You know, so many kids walk away, they they graduate college or move out and they leave the church.
SPEAKER_01:They do. And she said, Well, you're speaking of your sweet, beautiful, talented Francesca. Yeah, you say Francesca, yes, right.
SPEAKER_03:And she, you know, I we I said to her, Well, okay, we'd love to come and talk to you, but we, you know, I said, Mike, what the heck did we do? Please tell us you're you're raising your child. All we knew to was to raise her according to biblical principles. I didn't have a handbook, so but we came up with 15 things. We gave our talk, it went great. I thought, okay, we didn't do too badly. The next morning, I'm just thanking the Lord for those 15 things. And as soon as I thanked him for that, I heard him speak in my spirit, and he said, Those are book chapters. Oh, um, Lord, I don't want to write a book. I never graduated from college, so I'm a college dropout, but still an author. But I went to four colleges in two years and I got on the dean's list. But because I wanted to do theater, that was my world. And the thought of, oh, four years of this, I was just I'm out. I I had the uptake. I don't recommend that. I think people should get their degree. But you know, I just um now I forget where I was.
SPEAKER_01:You had a good run, but you were called and asked if you would come speak about how you raised your your Francesca. How did she turn out and not turn away from the church? Yes.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, so I felt like the Lord dared me. I had no clue anything about writing a book, publishing any of that, but I had a friend that was a writing coach. So I called her and I said, I've got to show you this. And I showed her my 15 things, and I said, Is that a book? She said, Yes, it's a book. I'm gonna get you started, you're gonna write it, we're gonna get it published. All that this is back in 2010, and it came out in 2012. I mean, I knew nothing about anything, I had no agent, and you know how hard that is a literary agent. It all just was so the Lord, and then I knew he had dared me to write that book. And I wrote my second book called The God Dare. And during that time, yeah, and I had a little blog, you know, back when blogs were cool. Now we all have websites, but I had a I started it actually with with as a food blog, so our daughter could come all the recipes because we both love to cook. But I wrote this post called Motherhood the After Party, because I thought this really is a good time. And in theater, the after party is that time where you all just kind of get together, congratulate each other on a job well done. You can look back at what you did and be proud of it, but know that hey, where's my next audition? What's my next thing? So it just stuck with me.
SPEAKER_01:And I thought that didn't click before. Now it's clicking all the way as a dancer my whole entire life. You always have an after party after a performance, yes.
SPEAKER_03:Absolutely. For any phase that's ending, right? Hopefully a good phase, not some of the awful stuff we go through, but when we're transitioning, when the Lord is what I call taking us on a 90-degree turn, when you know you're going this way and God says, No, I'm switching everything, like for us to leave theater, because you don't do that at the level that we were. My husband has a doctorate, you know, you don't you just don't lay that down, but we were obedient. And I actually think that the that God honored our obedience by taking the gifts and the talents we had and taking them through our daughter because he could use her, she wanted to do it for his glory. I just want to be famous, you know. I didn't care if it's a good idea. I mean, you know, I want to win a Tony. That was my goal in Miss America.
SPEAKER_00:I get it. Well, maybe win a Tony as a dance, yes, the choreographer. Oh my gosh. So I love you. I love this. This is fantastic. Thank you for saying that.
SPEAKER_01:Uh so like see, we're not the only ones.
SPEAKER_03:No, I think all of us have the even still, I'm like, I want to be a best-selling author with it, you know, like Karen Kingspirit, she's fiction, but I want a million people to buy my books. Me too. I think I'm mature enough in the Lord to know, to really know that God, you're gonna get this in front of the women that need it. It doesn't matter how many sell. If we you know, we always say this if even if it even touches one person, that's well, that's not really true.
SPEAKER_00:Come here, Kate. Let's let's like we say it.
SPEAKER_03:Help help us out, help us out for those of us who may perhaps still you want to help a lot of women with with what you're doing because you know what you do changes lives. I know the comments that you get from people, the stuff that they say blows me away sometimes when I when I hear it, I think, really, just something I wrote. So I want that to get to a wider audience. But again, God's gonna give you what he's gonna give you. You know, you're not gonna get any further than that, but that's fine too. I trust him. I appreciate that. And we we all have to trust him. He's he's gonna give us the amount that we that we need. Because if I sold a million books, I'd probably get proud or just say, I don't need to worry about this, I'm gonna sit back and go to the Bahamas. I don't think you would ever do that, but I don't think so.
SPEAKER_01:I don't think I would either, but I think that it's a beautiful desire. Yeah, and I I do encourage everyone to really seek their desires. Like even today, I was listening to a beautiful podcast, and and one of the questions and well, two of the questions that came to me were like to ask yourself, what do you want? Right, because many of us were never given permission to even ask what do you want? It still pings a little selfish to me, and to ask what do you desire, you know, what would be so great if it happened in this after party of raising your children before hopping into or hopping onto the train of grandchildren, because I believe you tell me you wrote this beautiful book. I think if we're a morning dove in motherhood, a swallow, a robin, we just might be the same bird with the grandbirds.
SPEAKER_03:That's true.
SPEAKER_01:You know, I at least I've had to make some very strong adaptations. I'm a very big people pleaser. So I always, you know, when I wrote my third book, I wrote, you know, I was a people pleaser, then I became a church pleaser, then I became a wife pleaser a husband pleaser, then I became a mommy please children pleaser, you know, the pleasing. And so I do think you're right in that we have to s to take the time, perhaps, to really look at am I a swallow, a morning dove, or a robin, and consider okay, so now in this new phase of my life, in this new developmental phase, I don't know. Maybe I'm a cardinal. I don't know. Maybe I'm a goldfinch, like goldfinches are my obsession, you know, and I don't know, but I think that it's a good time to take a pause as you're saying. Absolutely. Yeah. And I think you're also bringing to us a lot of wisdom as a woman who has made 90 degree turns, and that were probably, I would say, I don't know if they were just easy or I mean, like you write right in the beginning of the book, transition's not easy. The hardest phase of labor. Yeah. So what if a mom is in like I just got this text the other day? It's adorable. I've known this mom through many, many mops years, right? Mothers of preschoolers and known her children since they were in the womb. And now they're getting ready. The first one's getting ready to fly out. And she's like, I don't know how you did it.
SPEAKER_00:What do I do? I'm gonna go read this book and listen to my podcast with Kate.
SPEAKER_01:But uh, you know, it is this is gonna probably be coming out towards that time when parents are sending their little birds off to college, some to kindergarten, you know, uh and all the things in between. So what wisdom do you share with us today for them?
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, I I think just live in it, accept it for a while. You know, it's okay to be sad, it's okay to be lonely, it's okay to feel these feelings. There's nothing wrong with it. The thing is, you just don't want to get stuck there. You've got to start really, it it comes down to praying and saying, Lord, what do you have next? And like I said, a lot of women already know that, but a lot of us don't, and I did not. What I started to do though, and I think this is helpful for the women, particularly that are stuck there. I started a volunteer. I volunteered at a single mom's ministry, and it got me out of myself. It got me thinking about somebody else and their problems rather than mine, you know, and that and I may we we did great work for these moms. I made good friends, and I think that's a wonderful way to start pushing yourself out. Another one is mentoring. Find a younger mom that's got toddlers and she's losing her mind, help her out, you know. How can you advise her? What can you do for her? Maybe say, Hey, let me babysit for you tonight. You and your husband go out. There's so many things to get us out of ourselves because we we we can just get so internal and thinking it's all about me and I'm miserable and God doesn't love me, or whatever, whatever things we start thinking, you know, it's all in the mind. It is. Start, yeah, if we start putting it out there and start asking the Lord, we sometimes we have to dig deep. It's like raising children, you have to dig deep to find the gold, to find the jewels, right? To mine these things. They're not sometimes for years, yes, absolutely. Absolutely, yeah. So it's the same thing with children with children, and you need to do the same for your future if you really don't know, because he may have something completely different. I tell women all the time, if if you'd said 15 years ago, Kate, in 15 years, you'll have written three books, you'll be part of a podcast, you'll be speaking around the country. I'd have said, You are out of your mind. There's no way, because I said, That's not me, but God said that is you. You know, so the ladies that are listening, there may be something that five, 10 years from now, you're gonna just look at and in wonder and think, How did you do that, Lord? But you're only gonna get there if you're open to what he's telling you, if you're willing to step out, it might be a scary thing. It's scary to write a book, probably will be a scary thing, right?
SPEAKER_01:Likely it's because anytime you walk out of your comfort zone, it's gonna be counterintuitive, at least in my journey. I'll get really good at something, and then it's like, okay, God says, 90 degree. Yep. Hello, I was just figuring it out, you know.
SPEAKER_00:Oh my goodness.
SPEAKER_03:That's how he and that's was the whole point of my second book called The God Dare. It was those crazy things that drop in your spirit, and that God's like, I want you to do this, and you're just saying, like I did. No, I uh there's no way I'm not I'm not capable, I'm not equipped. But if God calls you to it, he'll equip you to do it. And I I like to say that the impossible is God's comfort zone, that's where he lives. I only live, I can only do what's possible. God can do anything. So if we're willing to step out, take a risk. It life is risky. Very being a Christian is risky. Very good. Being a Christian is hard, right? It's not easy to do the things he's telling us to do. No, so I just encourage them. There's something God's gonna dare them to do. You know, there's some path he's gonna say, uh, this is this is the narrow path that I want you to walk on.
SPEAKER_01:Have to get that book. I think that book is extremely on time for me, and I think probably for many listening. Um, can you perhaps chapter 12 is the empty nest is the perfect season to dream with the father. We just had Father's Day too, and for many of us, we didn't have that relationship with our earthly father and have had to do quite a bit of reparenting and working on our vision and our picture of Father God. But I think this chapter is so good, and I love the aspect of giving yourself the permission and the space. You know, none of us know what to do with empty space. And so, you know, I think the empty nest, we could really just say is all the empty rooms in the house now that seem to echo the hollowness. Yeah. And that can be what provokes the deep loneliness. I mean, yes, I got real selfish and that was fun, but there's still and then all now all my three children have flown away from us, far away, far away. And so holidays, things like that are like birthdays. All three of my kids had birthdays this week, you know, just can be very sad. And yet they're happy and they're where they should be, but you know, I don't get to cook them dinner, I don't get to have all the grands running around on the holidays. Oh, poor me. And so, how do we get, you know, how do we dream? I just I want to hear what you have to say about that. Like, how do we dream with the father? Like, maybe that's an exbook for you. I just love that idea, just the way you say it. It's just beautiful.
SPEAKER_03:Well, I think it's okay to dream big. I think we tend to keep things small, even for our kids, to dream big for them, to find out, God, what's your dream for my child? Because every single one of us is on this planet to change the world. We're not to sit here and do nothing. God has a mandate for us, he has a purpose. So dreaming with him means not being afraid to dream big. Maybe he is telling you something. I I knew about our daughter when she was 20 years old. She wrote a song, and I said, Franny, before anything happened, I said, I don't know what to tell you. That's a hit number one song. And it was her first number one.
SPEAKER_01:Which one was that? I don't remember.
SPEAKER_03:Number that that one is free to be me, the one couple dents in my fenders. She wrote it after she hit somebody's car. And I mean, it was one of those things. Well, she backed in, so it wasn't that bad. But I told her, I said, I all I can tell you is that's a number one hit song. It was the first number one by a female in eight years when it came out on the top of the charts for 10 weeks. But God showed that to me. And sometimes we'll show things about our own life, and you're thinking, Oh, that can't be Lord, that's crazy. But if you dig in a little bit with him, he may show you that that's not crazy. And dreaming doesn't always mean a big thing, it doesn't mean what she did with winning a Grammy and all that stuff. Yeah, it can be the Lord is really working on you to go volunteer at the Alzheimer's unit at your hospital and you're resisting because you don't want to do that, or He wants you to foster a child, you know, things like that that are big, scary things. So big doesn't mean big in terms of fame and fortune. It can be that, you know, he may say, write a book that's gonna sell a million copies. He didn't say that to us, but you never know. You hope so.
SPEAKER_01:I mean, I really hope so, but that has not been my journey.
SPEAKER_03:But see, that's your dreaming big, and that's okay.
SPEAKER_01:I'm afraid to dream big, honestly, anymore. So I'll I'll kind of be the devil's advocate there because I've always been a dream, you know, dream big person. And so now I'm just kind of like, okay, well, I'll just uh I'll just be content with whatever state that I'm in, you know.
SPEAKER_03:We want to be content, but it's also okay to think a little bigger, you know, to to try. I mean, I'm I am so not technically challenged, but I just look at what people put up on social media. You need to build your platform and do this. I'm just trying to learn how to really do Instagram, but I know I need to learn those things to get the word out, you know, to get more people to understand the empty nest is a good season. I like to call it the what's your empty next, what's that next thing?
SPEAKER_00:You know, what's I love that what's your empty next, guys? Lean in here. This is so good.
SPEAKER_03:Well, there's just so much more, you know. If your listeners would just understand, God has a specific plan for them. And if one thing that's really been striking me lately, I do believe we're in the end times. I don't know you're you know where you are with how I would say it it, you know, it was last week was abysmal. Yeah, a lot happened. Truly abysmal, but and each day is drawing us closer and closer. So, like I was talking about building the kingdom, we have to make ourselves available. It's way too critical now because you and I could have been born in the 1850s, you know, or the 500s, but God saved us till now. He said, This is the time I want you on planet earth, and this is to everybody listening. He chose you for now for the craziest time of history to put us in the end times is an incredible honor, but also a huge responsibility to know that, okay, Lord, you have something specific for me to do in this era that's going to build the kingdom. Because if we don't, there people that need to know Jesus aren't going to come in, they're not going to get in the boat. We need to get him in the boat soon. Yeah. So that's probably my biggest message with the after party of the empty nest is find out that thing, you know, and it may not be feel like a party if he's saying, I want you to be a missionary in a foreign country and they'll probably kill you. You know what I mean? But those are the kind of things you read that then the the the early Christians, they were all martyred. Are we willing to? And I mean, uh, this gets heavy, but I asked.
SPEAKER_01:It does get heavy, but no, it's right.
SPEAKER_03:That's right. You know, if if if it comes down to it, will I give my life for you? And I ask the Lord all the time, give me the courage that I won't turn back. Because I can understand how people would say, Oh gosh, no, I'll I'll you know, do anything not to, and but then you read about so many millions that have given their hearts, you know, given their lives for the Lord, and we have to we have to think that way. You know, we have to think that that it could be that it could be like that. I'm hoping not. I'm hoping we're out of your way before then that you know, yeah we're watching this from the mezzanine and we're not worrying about being stuck.
SPEAKER_01:Mezzanine first row is a great row in any theater. Really. But I think when you said that, I was thinking, well, then at that point, the after party becomes the eternal after party, right? Because you talk about Ecclesiastes three in in this book. And I I was just talking about it for uh this week's podcast that will be coming out, Ecclesiastes three, and where he just says, you know, there's a time for everything, but at the end, then he says, I have set eternity in your hearts, so you wouldn't really know and understand. And it just hit me hard this week. And I thought, yeah, eternity needs to be back in my heart. Right. You know, it used to be I wanted to be a missionary. I was all brave when I was, you know, after the Miss America dream kind of went another way, a 90-degree turn. It was like, okay, I want to be a missionary, you know. Miss Like Miss Oklahoma at that time was a missionary, you know. So it was like, okay, I'll be a missionary. And had a lot, I felt very courageous and had bravery in my youth, you know, youth, a lot of zeal back then. Now I kind of know a lot more, have been overseas quite a bit, and you know, wouldn't be the most comfortable, maybe life, I don't know. But I just think you you go from that, the emptiness is the perfect season to dream with the father into the destiny of the diligent and seven ways to prepare now for then, without giving away a whole lot of the chapter, because I do want everyone to really do this in a group, like garner courage from community, because this is a book it it's it's a 90-degree turn for our mind, our mindsets. You know, you're at least that's what I feel in my mind when I'm listening to Kate. I feel my mind going, okay, all right. So you went and sat in the balcony at the very top row, or you went down in in the very back row, Janelle, and are just complacent now and don't want to dream big anymore because when you did dream big, it it hurt. But you know, one of my favorite writers, Paula Reinhardt, you know, wrote her one of her books is better than my dreams, you know. The plan B is better than plan A. Is there really anything other than a plan A? You know, and I think this is an invitation today. I didn't think this would be our invitation, but it's time to open our hands and our hearts with all the fear, and you write all about this, you know, fear and garnering courage to say, okay, where do you actually need me to build the kingdom? I don't it doesn't have to be public. Probably most of our build kingdom building isn't and you know, like this podcast blows my mind. It goes to Tanzania. I'm like, hello Tanzania. Uh I love you. Wherever you are in Tanzania, Kate and I send you dream big prayers, you know, and it it we just don't know. So I just wanted to lean. How can we then, Kate, prepare now for then?
SPEAKER_03:Well, you need to be as you're praying and the Lord's beginning to show you things, and specifically if you're a mom with kids still at home, maybe they're going one by one, or you're gonna hit this in the next year or so. Start thinking about what is that thing, okay, Lord. I I've always wanted to be in politics. Okay, what can you do now? Can you volunteer for a politician? Love it. I wanted to get my college degree. Well, is there one class you can take online? If you do, we always think that oh, there's so much to do, and there's no way I can do it in a year or whatever. Yes, you can. I tell women, think about working in the margins of your day. What's that hour when you're waiting for your son to be done with baseball practice?
SPEAKER_02:Yes.
SPEAKER_03:What can you what can you be learning on YouTube or in a Facebook group if you know what that thing is that you want to go into? You want to build a business. Okay, what can you learn? There's a lot to know about having your own business. Yes, start now before that time hits you, and you're going, okay, now I have the time. But I would have been so much further ahead had I just used those slivers of time, whatever they are, whatever group you can join. There's so much. We didn't have any of that. No, there wasn't no. I mean, even when I started homeschooling, it was in the 80s, there were no computers. Same here. Yeah, how fun was that?
SPEAKER_01:You know, there's really something though. I did my greatest. I have like 30 Bible studies in that closet behind me that I wrote while my children I was homeschooling. While I I mean, I couldn't help it. I just was, I have to write them. I have to get them, you know, all the books are out in front of me, no computer. And now they're just sitting in there in that closet. And every day I'm like, maybe you should get those out, you know. Maybe it's time to read it or anybody out there, put them on your website. Yeah. So I'm saying I love that so much that because I meet so many young moms and they do have so much energy, you know, in the sense of passion. And or maybe, wow, I really haven't done anything since come. No, no, no, no, no. So I love that you're asking us to really get quiet, right? Come back to that stillness and solitude and that we talk about a lot here. And maybe sit in the back of your van. I have visions of me sitting in the back, putting up the you know, the tail of my van and uh books all around me, you know, eating a snack while they're at soccer or while they're here or while they're there. Those are the best days of my life. I just loved it so much because I had to only have an hour, have an hour, have an hour. Now I have all the time in the world and I can't focus. So it's like I love what you're saying to look. And maybe am I is it right to say ask God?
SPEAKER_03:Oh, always, right? Always, but you have to be able to hear him, you have to get to that. You have it's a still small voice, right? And you it's easy to have it blocked out by the noise of the world, just putting the TV on. I don't even like to have it on during the day because it's so distracting, but getting to that place with the Lord where you hear him because he wants to speak to us, he wants to tell you what he wants you to do next. He doesn't want you sitting around moping, he has a specific plan for you. I do not want to get to heaven and find out that I missed it, that God said, Look what I have. And you, you know, I didn't meet the Lord till I was 29. So there's 29 years where I didn't do whatever he had planned for me before the foundation of the world. So now I'm determined. I do not want to miss one more thing. I want to get there, and he'll he'll say, Your book, you filled your book, you did the things that I called you to do. I'm sure I'm gonna miss some of them, maybe many of them, but that's my goal. And I I want your listeners to have that goal too. You can't sit around, you can't do nothing, and it you can't just play and have fun and you know be enjoying shopping. We lots of things can become idols. Oh, yes, you know, we can get addicted to all kinds of things. I went through a series with after she was gone and went through some deep um anxiety that I'd never had in my life, just hit me out of the blue. I got addicted to Xanax for a year, very scary, got off of that, was drinking way too much, been off of that for years. But it's easy to get sucked down into that trap. It's a voice when we're lonely. It's a guess. Oh, it's awful. And I wouldn't wish it on anybody, but if somebody's dealing with that, the Lord's really the only way that's gonna get you out, at least it was for me. I mean, if people need to use medication or whatever for a totally get that, totally been there.
SPEAKER_01:Educated on that here, you know, and there are I certainly take an antipressant, I have a long history. So there are times we're very educated here. But what you're saying is when you allow these things to consume you, I mean, it it it I think at the core of what you're saying is really at the core of what the work that I try to do here and is to really have that secure attachment, that secure identity as a child of the living God. Yeah, you know, that is we can only attach to that. You know, our our ego gets so attached to whether it's mothering or grandmothering or this or that or dance or acting or you know, your daughter to performing, whatever. I mean, our ego's real and it's gonna get attached. And I know my ego got attached to mothering. I began to get a sense of fulfillment, which is fine, but then it attached. And so part of the weeping and that was the detaching. Yeah, that's not just who I am. I am not just a mom, right?
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:I'm still doing that, Kate. I don't know if you still find yourself at times, but it's like I don't, I don't I want I want to be free. I want to know that um mom is not my only name, grandma non is not my only name. What if what do you have, you know, for me? And like you said, I think this is so powerful. Like acting in theater was a passion, and it was like the the top flower flowering at that time. And then God took his pruning shears and that that fell, and then the lower giftings, the lower, the lower flowers started to bloom. And then, okay, well, there's even lower flowers. So I just see this beautiful vision. Well, it's not beautiful, I see pruning, which hurts, and then it looks but then when the sun can hit those gifts that perhaps are just laying dormant or haven't been given the sunshine in the water.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, is that a good visual to encourage? Oh, that's a great visual. I might steal it for another book. No, go ahead, it's yours. But I think a lot of the problem is we don't know who we are in Christ. We don't know that he calls us beautiful, he calls us his bride, he calls us beloved. You know, we don't, it's hard to know that about ourselves. It's my husband will say all the time, Kate, you have to remember how God sees you. If you only knew how he saw you, you'd be able to see yourself that way. Because I struggle with stuff still. Okay, you know, with old wounds, oh gosh, with comparison, constantly doing all that stuff. But it's remembering, wait a minute, God called my daughter, you know, Jesus calls me his beloved, his bride. And when you start meditating on that, that can change your whole perspective.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:So I think for you listeners, think about that as you go through scripture. What are some of the things he says about you? I think it's really powerful.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I do too. Well, I was gonna go to the hindrances, but I think that we are at a good place. So you'll have to get Kate's book to read the hindrance hindrances to your after party because she has seven traps that could frustrate you. Oh, that is leaving you at the cliff. I know. But I wonder, Kate, if you might read us out. Do you have your book there? I have it right in front of you.
SPEAKER_00:Okay.
SPEAKER_03:Also, I wanted to let yes, yes. I want to let your oh well, I want to let them know my devotional companion just came out yesterday. I don't know when that's gonna Kate Battastelia.
SPEAKER_00:I did not know this.
SPEAKER_03:Well, it just came out and it's 31 days journal, goes deeper, got lots of stuff in there that you can use to, especially for the women that are struggling. This will help you go quite a bit deeper. So we have both books now.
SPEAKER_01:Well, I do I did not get uh uh note of that, so that makes my I just got chills everywhere because that's get get your groups together, ladies, for September or late August, because and then if your child's an athlete, they're going back to college early. That's right, that's you know so uh put some things in place now for that time. So you have these stunning prayers. Stunning, stunning, and I just think it would be beautiful if you would read us out with one.
SPEAKER_03:Okay. A prayer for comfort. Lord, as my child leaves the nest, give me the strength to let go. I know you hold their lives and for futures firmly in your hands. As I enter this brand new and honestly confusing phase, help me sort out all the unfamiliar emotions swirling through my mind. I always knew that eventually I would face this letting go time, but it's much harder than I thought. Help me remember that you have designed and arranged a fresh chapter for me. As my children walk into the lives you have chosen, comfort my heart and soul as I release them into your care and at the same time see my way forward into the future you've planned for me. I ask for your grace to embrace this next chapter with faith and courage. I trust your plan for my life wherever it may lead. As you fill the empty places in my heart with your peace, I know that you are a good father and that your love never wavers. May your word continually remind me of your promises as their truths anchor my soul to your truth as I take my first steps into this new journey. Motherhood is a beautiful gift, and I will never take it for granted. Thank you for the precious opportunity to raise the children you've given me. I ask that you grant me a renewed purpose as I jump into a fresh adventure with you. Thank you for guiding me with your wisdom and sustaining me with your grace. In Jesus' name, amen.
SPEAKER_01:Amen. Thank you so much. This was an honor.
SPEAKER_03:I loved it. Thank you, Janelle.
SPEAKER_01:Thanks for listening today, Heartlifter. Be sure to hop over to Substack at Heartlift Central, Instagram at JanelleRarden, and if you would be so kind, make a tax-deductible donation to keep this podcast ad-free and spreading its influence all over the world. You can make that donation on my website, JanelleRarden.com slash Heartlift International. We are making home and family the safest, most secure place to be.
